


My Worst Nightmare

by tonia_barone



Series: KillerAlchemy [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode: s03e18 Coda, F/M, Spoilers 3x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 13:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonia_barone/pseuds/tonia_barone
Summary: She can't be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Companion to my fic "Dying". This is Julian's side of things. Needless to say, spoilers for 3x18.

No.  She can’t be.  Not Caitlin.  We’d only just...and now she’s gone. 

Everything is numb as I slowly back away from her.  I can hear Cisco crying to my right.  She’s his best friend, of course.  After losing his brother earlier this year, this must be devastating for him.

“She’s gone.”

I barely hear H.R.’s whispered words.  This can’t be real.  She can’t be…she can’t.  We were just working things out.  She’d apologized for lying.  We were going to go out for lunch again, to talk things over in depth.  I never expected such a light as Caitlin when I moved to Central City.  I certainly never expected to find such peace in her.  Despite our rather violent meeting, I know now that Caitlin would never willingly hurt a fly.  She’s light, and joy, and kindness.  What she sees in an old warhorse like me, I’ll never know.

I’ll never…

No.

I spare a glance at first H.R. then Cisco before stepping back up to Caitlin.  No.  This was _not_ the end.  This was _not_ how things were going to go.  I won’t allow it.  Death cannot have her today.  I reach for her pendant and jerk it off her. 

Cisco tries to stop me as the chain snaps.  “Stop!  That’s not what she wanted.”

Well, Cisco, I don’t bloody care what she wanted.  She’s dead, she can’t want things anymore.  “I don’t care!”  As long as she comes back to me, nothing else matters.  Let her be angry at me later.  At least she’ll be alive _to_ be angry at me.  I manage to say through the tears, “I’m not going to stand here and watch her die, okay?” 

In the background, the machines continue to give that god-awful beep.  The sound of death.  I blink back the tears as I move to kneel by Caitlin’s side.  “Okay?”  I take her hand in mine, desperate for some sign of life from her.  “It’s alright, Cait, it’s okay.  It’s okay.”  I take a shuddering breath and hear the most beautiful sound in the world: a beep.

Then another.  And another.

I looked at her in disbelief, giddy that it worked.  It actually worked.

Cisco breathes out her name, but I hardly hear it over the sound of that most wonderful beeping.  I get up and check the incision to find it healing before my eyes under a layer of frost.  It worked.  She’s healing!  She’ll recover. 

I look up at her face just in time to see her breathe out a foggy mist.  Her eyes snap open a moment later and I see my worst nightmare.

Her eyes are blue.

What have I done?

**Author's Note:**

> So evidently the best catharsis for last week's episode was to write two fics about That Scene that caused me to have to rewatch said seen over a dozen times between them.


End file.
